I’ve been swing dancing off and on for 14 years and salsa dancing off and on for about 5 years and I’ve recently realized I’m a new person on the social dancing scene since I started OM-ing.
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SWING DANCING
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I went swing dancing last week, for the first time since I started OM-ing last month. And for the past 14 years, with few exceptions, I usually say yes to everybody who asks and complete the dance, even if it’s awkward, weird, or treacherous. Why? To be nice. Because I’m a “nice person”. Or at least that’s what I told myself.
And the past 4 times I’ve gone swing dancing, there’s this one guy I dread dancing with because he wants to talk more than dance and we end up barely moving on the dance floor. And I just try and smile through it. Last week, when I saw that he was there, I said to myself no, I’m not going to dance with him. Towards the end of the night, he makes his way towards me and starts chatting me up and asks me for a dance, and I said no. He protested for a bit, I said no again, and he moved on. And I was like, that was easy. Why did it take me so long to allow myself to say no?
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SALSA LESSONS
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I went salsa dancing last night for the first time since OM-ing, which was even more interesting.
I showed up for lessons and there was one guy who tried to keep dancing with me after the instructor said switch partners, and I firmly let him know that I was moving to the next partner, when before I would have just smiled and went along with it. Another guy tried to tell me I wasn’t doing a move correctly, and I let him know in a direct manner that the women were given two options for the move depending on our skill level, and I had chose Option B. He apologized and backed down. Before, I would have just smiled and laughed awkwardly or maybe reverted to the move he was familiar with.
And lastly, there was this one guy who was practicing the turn move, and he told me “You’re not turning quickly enough.” And I firmly responded, “I’m following you, but you’re not giving me the signal with your body to turn, so I don’t move.” And he said OH. And the next time he made the adjustment, and I turned, and his face broke into this big smile, and he said thank you!! I was blow away by how grateful he was. And I also thought to myself, this man has danced with at least 10 women before me tonight as we rotated partners, who were just turning on their own, and not giving him feedback that he needed to change his lead (that totally was me before!). How was he supposed to get better if nobody gave him feedback?
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SALSA DANCING
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After the lessons, there was a guy who asked me to dance and we got on the floor and he was spinning around and doing flashy moves and whipping me to and fro while I kind of had this “deer caught in the headlights” look on my face. And before I would have just grimaced and fake smiled my way through the dance, but I stopped, and managed to yell over the music that he was a bit too advanced for me and I’d like to end the dance. He looked surprised and then bashful, but then agreed. I felt relief and just happy that I spoke up for myself.
And lastly, this one guy asked me to dance. And once we got to the dance floor, I was trying to read his lead and he just keep looking at me intensely with complete presence and quietly watching me, and then he gently leaned down towards my ear and said “I think the rhythm of this song is a little faster.” I usually don’t respond well to being “adjusted” but there was something about his energy and the way he said it and maybe a level of humility from all the “adjusting” I’ve been asking for in my OMs, that made me compliant. I immediately increased my pace, he smiled, and our dancing together took off in a really magical way. I was a bit mesmerized.
He found me again for the next song – which was bachata, and I tried to resist because I don’t really do bachata, but he pulled me on the dance floor anyways. We start dancing and once again he watches me for awhile and then leans forward and says relax your arms, they’re a bit tense. Another adjustment! Fuck! But once again, it was true! And I sheepishly explain about not liking bachata, but then I just consciously relaxed my arms and the dance started to flow.
And the thought that popped in my head after that, was OMG, I would totally fuck this man. I’m pretty sure my pussy was talking to me. Normally she’s pretty quiet. I tried to push the thought out because it was a pretty hard core thought. There was no romance to it, I didn’t want to know anything about him or care that much, and I usually just go out to dance to have fun and I’ve never went home with anyone from a club/bar. And instead of saying something to him about my desire or how I was feeling in the moment, I hid from him the next hour and then left the club!! Oy…
(Dear OM Practice: I still have some work to do in this area, obviously)
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LESSONS LEARNED
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#1 There was something about this man’s level of presence and being adjusted and handled in that way, that I realized in that moment that I really liked, desired, and craved, and wanted from a man, and I’m pretty sure that awareness wasn’t present before OM-ing. Who knows if I’ll ever see him again, but at least I’m better tuned into that particular awareness and desire, so I’ll know it when I feel it again.
#2 Guys appreciate adjustments!
#3 I’m also realizing how Stepford I used to be with people, without realizing it. All of the fake smile, fake laughing, not being direct/honest wit men, and not speaking up for myself, under the guise of being “nice”. A bit painful to look at of course, but happy to see all of that changing…
feminine-seeking-divine 